Paul Walsh, the Irish Opportunist

At the expense of loosing a mate, Steve Clayton, this is for you. I normally do a Monday Humour post but felt like being early for once.

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team sacked its entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari’s decision to take advantage of the UK Government’s Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool.

The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds, even with millions of Euros worth of high tech equipment.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management, which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.

As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari now have the advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari may have got more than they bargained for.

At the crew’s first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in under 6 seconds.

But, within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren Team for a dozen bottles of Stella, a kilo of cannabis and some photos of Coulthard’s bird in the shower.

Keep your password in a safe place

Found this via Stewart Curry on Twitter. Thanks for the laugh Eoghan but please can you improve the ‘contrast’ in your next photo as it might not be accessible to everyone

For those who have sons & those who are happy that they don’t….

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house to a depth of 10 cm.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.
5. You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.
15. VCR’s do not eject ‘BL&T’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Brisbane, Qld, has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid

How close to the edge should I go with my humour?

I might do a ‘Monday humour‘ post every week. I can’t remember where I found this one.